Trust and advantage
PhaedrusMoreover, many lovers desire the body before they know a beloved’s character or have become familiar with those close to him. It is therefore uncertain whether they will still want to be friends when their desire has ended. Those who are not in love, however, were friends before this happened. The good they receive is unlikely to diminish their friendship; rather, it will remain as a token of what is to come. And you ought to become a better person by following me than by following a lover.
Lovers praise what their beloved says and does even when it is against his best interests. Sometimes they fear giving offence; at other times desire itself makes their judgement worse. This is what love does: in misfortune it makes them find distressing things that would not grieve anyone else, while in good fortune it makes them praise even things that are not worth enjoying. So their beloveds deserve pity much more than envy.
If you listen to me, I shall associate with you with an eye not merely to present pleasure but also to future benefit. I shall be master of myself, not overcome by love. I shall not make a bitter enemy over trifles, but will be slow to feel even a little anger over serious matters. I shall forgive what is done unwillingly and try to prevent what is done deliberately. These are signs of a friendship that will last a long time. If you think a strong friendship cannot exist without love, consider this: then we would not care deeply for our sons or our fathers and mothers, nor would we have faithful friends. Such ties do not arise from this sort of desire, but from other pursuits.
Further, if favour ought to be granted most readily to those in need, then in other matters too we should help not the best people but the most destitute. Freed from the greatest troubles, they will be the most grateful. Even at our own dinners we ought to invite not our friends, but beggars and people hungry for a full meal. They will love us, follow us about, come to our doors, take the greatest pleasure, be deeply grateful and wish us many good things.