The circle of friends
PhaedrusIf you fear the established custom and the reproach you might suffer if people found out, consider this: lovers, thinking that others admire them as much as they admire themselves, are likely to boast. Eager for distinction, they will show everyone that their efforts were not in vain. Those who are not in love, being masters of themselves, will choose what is best over their standing in other people’s eyes. Besides, many people are bound to hear about lovers and see them following their beloveds everywhere, making it their business. So when they are seen talking together, people suppose that intimacy has already occurred or soon will. But no one even tries to blame those who are not in love for meeting, knowing that people must converse through friendship or for some other pleasure.
If you are afraid that a friendship may not last, and think that a quarrel arising in some other way would bring a misfortune shared by both of you, whereas yielding what you value most would cause you great harm, you have more reason to fear lovers. Many things distress them, and they take everything to be happening to their own detriment.
That is why they keep their beloveds from associating with others. They fear that the wealthy will surpass them with money and the educated with intelligence; if someone possesses any other good quality, they are on guard against that person’s power as well. By persuading you to hate such people they leave you without friends. If you look after your own interests and show better judgement than they do, you will quarrel with them. But those who were not in love, and obtained what they sought through their own merits, would not envy the people you associate with. Rather, they would resent those who refuse to associate with you, believing that those people look down on them, while your companions do them good. So there is far more hope that such a relationship will produce friendship than hostility.